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you took me in, gave me something to believe in.

February 22, 2010

first off, apologies for my short unannounced hiatus, i was working like crazy (and insane shifts like closing, double, double) and also had a nasty cough & cold, but i’m finally on the mend and have reached my off day so i’m going to try to catch up on everything that has been going on in life.

well mostly i’ve been this cuddly:

to the point when i sometimes cry when garrett has to do work all day on my day off and jamie can’t play because of she has to write a paper.  it’s so weird sometimes.  i guess from waitressing for so long and constantly being surrounded by bustle and idle chatter it’s hard to be alone.  especially when you wake up on gloomy days and it starts to rain/snow heavily.  and it’s almost MARCH.  needless to say i’ve been spending obscene amounts of money on cute spring/summer clothes (think: gold gladiator-rope sandles, 3 dresses, a pointelle cardigan, a supersoft oversize t, denim leggings, a cobalt FP mini skirt, a cropped sweater,  betsey johnson sunglasses, a camel bow belt & more) and dying for days when i can do this:

needsummernow.  please.

___________________

and  just because i have to comment on one of the many wonderful things that came out of NY fashion week.  Mary-Kate & Ashley Olsen put on their first runway show for their high-end line The Row and although the pieces themselves are somewhat minimalistic and the palette monochromatic, you can tell that they are the types of fabrics that would just melt into your skin and look absolutely fabulous.  My 3 favorite looks:

in other news, this coat that MK was spotted wearing is f’ing out. of. this. world.:

but mostly i’ve just been really, really enjoying myself.  how long has it been since i’ve been able to say that?

two days ago i was standing at the kitchen sink, up to my elbows in suds as the heavy afternoon sunlight poured in, listening to “the universe is going to catch you” by the antlers,  wondering if the softness of settling and supreme tranquility i’ve been feeling is finally here.  i’ve been literally praying for this since may, sometimes squeezing my eyes tightly shut as hot tears spilled down my cheeks, silently screaming for the universe to hear me and if, on the off chance, there is a god and i’ve got it all wrong, there damn well better be some sort of divine intervention soon.

but true beauty, the purity i’ve been trying to get back to since the summer of 2008 when garrett and i timidly began exploring the deepest corners of the the heart, is (of course) only found in the patience of waiting.  a lesson i learned years ago that only now is beginning to come naturally.  however, it is astounding how it only comes when you’ve mostly given up the fight.

BUT IT’S HERE.

and i can say that with a certainty that leaves me breathless each day (even the sunshine has gotten stronger).  and although garrett and i are super bummed about him not getting the job at RA, I can’t help but feel that “fate” has intervened yet again.

fate.  it’s such a touchy subject for me..defies my logic of free will, but thus far it has been hard to dispute the facts.  perhaps i’m still a romantic in that way.

*****

“In that time we recognize life’s deepest meaning; the opacity, the darkness is made bright. Like the lips of fresh and gentle girls, sound like kisses showers our bodies. In our spine, in our skull, color and line buzz new yet ancient and clear. And now, no longer resembling the color and line to which we are accustomed, they reveal the grand secrets hidden in forms.  That primitive and so very flawed knowledge of Life we had gained through sight, hearing, smell, taste, and touch is now improved, and made whole.  We are given the chance to learn the truth of Life inherent in each of us, all of truth, perfected, beyond the faculties of our senses.  A truth inexpressible in words or by concepts and judgments, just as the senses cannot recognize it.  What right have I to say I know the weight of  a cube, when i have merely seen but never lifted it?  The same is true of one who has only seen, heard, smelled, tasted, touched: he has no right to say he’s lived.  Pleasure alone can give us knowledge of things and God’s joy.  Yet may we say that His joy endures for a moment only?  Yes, for that is what He doles out to fools and cowards.  But those who desirous of more, deserve more, they have a chance to steal from eternity–through noble heroic daring.” -Opium; Gèza Csáth

ohno, i’ve rambled…only one more thing!  download “just a boy” by angus and julia stone.

it complements the sweetness nicely right now.♥

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